Blah blah blah- Relationships.


Everyone has them; weather it be with an associate or a lover, human beings are in constant contact with others outside themselves.

Here I am, pushing away anybody trying to learn about me, eve the ones who are fighting. Which I say is what I want; someone to fight for my recognization, But even that is not strong enough.

People that find a genuine interest in me as an individual flip me out! I pull myself to a distance and wish they would give me a call- but I do not want anything to do with them?
What a weirdo.


Seriously, to access the situation; Why does the companionship of someone cause me to go haywire? Is it that I am afraid they will lose interest in me? Or that they will actually be able to peg me and I will not be able to face the true girl?



Ugh- I know there is more, but I am distracted- G.Can&A.EB are going out to grab a subway sandwich, and we just got out of the tanning bed. Then it is to my house for her to get ready for her FIRST DAY OF WORK! I am so incredibly proud of her, but that is for later.
We have a big itinerary; she leaves, I finish a literature assignment, then to study group for a psychology test> then to pick up my pictures from walgreens, then something? Then at 6: class.
Then bed @ definitely by 10; because I work in the 7a.m. range+ unless I can sweettalk my boss and explain that it will be a healthy 20 degrees above 0!!! Wish me the best of luck.

We are off.

When there is an airy threat of rain. There is a slight overcast- with a touch of cool breeze.
I love there potentially rainy days; you know what is expected from these sort of days:
They usually come around in the spring these light, cool, but not cold days- where they are 90% to give us a darling misty sprinkle.
The school children wear a light coat and whenever the sun peaks out; to shed some light- the children will manage to take their lunch outside, wearing long sleeve shirts.
Outside, the birds have become more brave, along with the squirrels and wood peckers, and crickets.
Unless they have just come out of their idea for hibernation? (:
These darn crows- I could most certainly so without.

But yes: this threat of rain on a thinly overcast day- moving from the winter to spring months remains to be a glorious sight everytime I stop &pay attention.

I enjoy this type of weather while I can: before the Georgia humid heat comes out of hibernation for a play.



Just putting some thoughts into words.
You may read &retaliate; but, civilally.

There is a lot to think about when you are hanging around the house with a baby. -A screaming baby.
What I really need to let off is how slow life moves. People try to live out their lives out with the motto- what if tomorrow never comes. Well, what if it does come?? What have you done to further yourself in your journey? You only hinder yourself when you do not do what is necessary for that day. I am a heavy procrastinator, so I am dealing with making myself adhere to a schedule. I think I may be a person who needs structure. But where do you begin getting structure when the household you live in has none? I will probably just have to wait to actually step up on my feet when I actually fly the nest. I could sure practice now by actually getting my chores and tasks accomplished in a timely manner- but it is just feels like such a useless cycle right now. I know it is not, but it sure feels like it.
I wish there was a place I could go out and practice living on my own- or to just get a feel for it. No matter what a person does, they are not truly prepared.
+This baby is TRYING to fall- I swear Liam, you make me smile.
Is that not such a cool name? Liam- I think it is tight. I was also thinking, Anthony for a girls name- Super Cool.

I need to jump on my homework assignments; but I do not feel moved to write about how I came into reading. Or doing random math problems for a test I know I failed. Which I did not fail becuase I did not know it- I knew this section extremely well; but test day- I could not feel it in me to actually sit down and think out the problems.
I am a sure-fire-way to ruin my plans.

Never cease to amaze me! A random character pops up and has me standing beside myself. I give up hope that people will pull through for me and I meet someone who does what they say they will do. Now for me to figure out which person to put my trust in right off the bat! And- I need to keep remembering that people take time. But more on that later. Work was work. Now I know what that means- it means money that you just have to stick through. The work sucks, but the money is necessary.

... Was a great day! Not because anyhting happened, but because I wrote a paper I actually like. Granted, there are some more things to tinker with- but this is the first assignment where I have actually thrown out what I had and started from scratch! Which I have had to do a couple of times- really I am just thrilled that I am happy with something I have created! Tomorrow is the first math test of my college career- and I feel fine about it. Of course, I felt the same way about the quiz and I did not do so hot. But this test grade replaces that first score if I manage to do better than the previous assignment. I have been going in for the extra help- which has been very Much needed. And tomorrow I am dropping by school to go over this draft revision with my teacher+ even though I do not need to be there. Go figure. But it is the extra interest that will get me my good marks. I need to strive to get good scores, or else all my planning was just talk, like it usually always is. I am out to change that! I am seriously going to succeed and keep an interest in my studies. My next task is to get myself on a regimen. But my life is so spastic- I prefer keeping my schudule loose. Still- I am sure there are areas that can be constructive. I also need an artistic outlet, and to hit a gym of sorts. I think that will come with a job and a career. But I will definitely hit up the school gym once it is re-opened. Why not take advantage of a FREE GYM?! Also to do: get basketball hoop up.
The End- goodnight and peace out. 12:11p.m.

Autumn is totally my season. I do not know what exactly happens, it could be the moon and mars shifting orbit- or just the world slowing down: but, autumn is a lovely time of year. The air changes, the smell is different, people seem to be more laid back- probably because they are not all hot and sticky. I even notice Walmart smells nice! Everyone and everything is in full halt. Autumn is my season. I cannot help but feel light and queer! A smile streaks across my face everytime I step outside. Piles of leaves are burned, the fair comes to town, people are settled into their new schedule. The world is at ease.

Alright- basically, I just got a blackberry: old-school style, and I went through to put all of me information such as events and work schedule+ Only to trouble-shoot this dang thing and do a hard-Wipe of the entire drive. Which I was totally down for, because I thought it would help the situation. That was not the case. But still- how could a person troubleshoot without making mistakes? My delima now is: Should I go through and put in all of the information again? -Or should I 'wait out the storm' and see if my mother Does infact decide to switch telephone companies- I feel badly though because it is me pushing her to do it. She is only trying to make me happy- and I should be straight with what I have. Once I get the text messaging up and running! But seriously- my mother is so selfless and loves our family so much she was planning on dipping into the 'new car' account to pay for all of us to get new phones! And what do we do for her?! We gripe and moan about doing the simplest of chores! WOW- I really need to revaluate and change my status/attitude. I am wayy out of line.